You're not Low Maintenance. You're Neglected

Let's talk about your shower. Not the one at your situationship's place that you raid every Sunday morning — yours. And before you click off because you think this is about to get girly, it's not. It's about not being the person someone tolerates being close to. Her or his, shower goodies are not samples that you received from the pushy department store sales associate that you never intend on using. They're things that should also be in your shower — you're just too lazy to put thought into it!

You should have more than two containers in your shower, and you should have some type of vehicle other than your hand to lather and scrub your body clean. Whether that be a washcloth, net sponge, loofah, or a regular sponge — something.

However, back to the test drive that you have after each and every sleepover at your situationship's house… There is more than Body Wash and two-in-one, and there are more than these two things that you should own. And believe it or not, you can even buy these things at the drugstore — I promise, your situationship will thank you. And so will everyone within close proximity of you, frankly.

The Body.

Starting off with washing your body — a bar of Dove soap. Not that liquid shit, a bar of Dove. The antibacterial is great if you struggle with sweat, bacne, or any skin issues, and is still gentle. Follow that up with some type of targeted body wash to help in whatever way your skin needs, whether that be glycolic acid to help with rough skin, or a mandelic acid to help with any possible stubborn BO — and yes, dry neglected skin absolutely affects how you smell, so this matters more than you think. Then follow up with some type of shower oil to help get your skin hydrated — no, they don't want your crusty ass feet in bed, that shit is nasty asf. Finishing up with LOTION. IT IS FOR OTHER THINGS THAN YOUR BEDSIDE TABLE.

Anyways, if you really give a damn, it would be good to throw in some type of exfoliant or body scrub once a week or so. See how easy that was.

The Hair.

Whether you have straight, wavy, curly, or coily hair — you should be washing and conditioning your hair once a week, and that product should contain minimal alcohol and should make your hair feel healthy, moisturized, and soft. Whatever you pick should be two different products, one for shampoo and one for conditioner. None of this two-in-one bullshit. And if you have any texture to your hair at all, pay attention to your scalp — a dry, neglected scalp is why your hair isn't growing the way you want it to. A scalp scrub or a clarifying shampoo once a month goes a long way.

The Mug.

Last but not least, the only thing you give a fuck about sadly — your mug. You're currently just using water, aren't you? Smh. And before you say anything — your situationship has noticed. They're just being polite.

Anyways, if you have dry skin, get a hydrating cleanser with ceramides and peptides. Oily skin, a gel or foaming cleanser with oil-reducing ingredients. And combination skin — you can honestly keep it simple with a gentle cleanser. Follow that up with a hydrating moisturizer that prioritizes healthy skin and hydration. Cream-based is okay for dry and flaky mugs, and those with a little shine should opt for a gel or airy formulation. Last but not least, look at your parents — do you want to sag and wrinkle like them? I don't think so. So, close it all up with sunscreen. At night, do these steps without the sunscreen of course.

Remember, caring about your skin — how it feels, looks, or exists — is not only not girly or for women, but essential to prevent cancers, eczema, and your actual health. So please take it as seriously as your peptide BS — yes, those same peptides we just talked about. You already know your skin deserves better. Now you have no excuse.